Pity Party?

Do you ever have those moments, or days where you think that you are completely alone in the world and you have no idea why? It's just a feeling? Maybe I'm crazy and the only one who gets this way, but the last few days have felt that way. I have people around me, a boyfriend, parents, siblings and friends who love me, (and I love back) yet right now I feel so utterly alone in the world. Normally this is something I would speak about with one of them, but something stops me every time I start the conversation. It's an alien feeling to me. I can usually spout off no matter what the situation, but this time the words fail me. This blog is different, it's almost as if I am writing to everyone and no one at the same time. My family doesn't know that this blog exists, it kind of gives me the freedom to ramble freely about them. Though with the exception of this post there is nothing on here that I haven't spoken to them freely about.

There have been moments these past few days and even maybe further back then that where I feel as if I'm an outsider in my own life. Correction an outsider when it comes to the lives of those I love. I have a brother who lives in the same city but I rarely speak to, not because I don't try but he's not much of a phone person and seems to never leave his house, or really want visitors. A boyfriend who until yesterday with the best of my knowledge had never lied to me, but now I wonder. I know he loves me, but sometimes that is just not enough. I'm coming to the painful realization that no matter how hard you try relationships don't always work even when you believe that you want them to. It has to be a two sided thing and there is a whole lot of one side working on this one. My parents are well, my parents. My dad has never been one for long talks or extreme closeness and well my mom has her life to live. And although I'm an important part, I'm not the ONLY part.

The thing is I can't even run to my best friends house and have a few drinks and complain about it all to her, because she is on the other side of the country. At the moment her life is really complicated (she might lose her job) and my problems seem like nothing more than petty. I'm going to work on shutting this pity party down, because it is not becoming at all. Then I'm going to have a major conversation AGAIN with my boyfriend and see where this once fantastic relationship is going.

Heads up..

If you live in the Toronto area here's a sale tip for you. Tomorrow the Proctor and Gamble Warehouse sale starts at the International Centre, go to the building 6 entrance. The sale runs from November 16 - 30 and is open from 10am-6pm on weekends and 11am-8pm during the week. I got to go today because some friends got invites in the mail for a pre-sale. There are tonnes of deals on Cover Girl make-up, diapers, feminine hygiene products, shampoo/conditioner, Tide, Mr. Clean, Febreeze, Bounty Paper Towels, Charmin, cat/dog food, Secret and Old Spice Deodorant. The stuff I got would have easily cost me over $150 and I got it all for $80. Once you are through the P&G sale there is an additional section where you can get clothes, linens, household items, and there is a large Neutrogena section with face wash and moisturizer super cheap, under $10 each. If you've never been to this sale go....you'll walk away with something for sure.

Why Remember?

"We must remember. If we do not, the sacrifice of those one hundred thousand Canadian lives will be meaningless. They died for us, for their homes and families and friends, for a collection of traditions they cherished and a future they believed in; they died for Canada. The meaning of their sacrifice rests with our collective national consciousness; our future is their monument."
(Heather Robertson, A Terrible Beauty, The Art of Canada at War. Toronto, Lorimer, 1977.)
On Remembrance Day (or Veterans Day for Americans) I had a few conversations with people that I work with, who just happen to be young. And I was baffled and extremely disappointed with their ignorance in regards to Remembrance Day. One even said to me "I don't like to celebrate war!" I must have missed the celebration part of this solemn day. I've never walked around with a party hat and a noise maker on this day. I use the day to remember all those who have sacrificed their lives for my country and other countries around the world. I think about my grandfathers who fought in the wars and lived to tell the story of their experience. I use the day to think about how lucky I am to live in Canada and be sheltered from the horrible events that surround a war.
I know that people are entitled to their opinion and they can choose whether or not to mark Remembrance Day in any way, but I think a kind of ignorance has set in with some people (not just the young). They have been either completely misinformed or are totally ignorant as to what this day represents. It saddens me beyond belief that this day is not in the very least respected by some. Whether or not you believe in war, it is out there and it has happened in the past and the men and women who fight these wars are braver then I'll ever be. To all of them regardless of country I say THANK-YOU and I give you the respect and admiration that I think you deserve. If you disagree with me that is fine you are entitled to your opinion and this with pride is mine.

Lest we forget...

Thank-you to all soldiers around the world who have given their lives and continue to fight to protect the freedom that we have.

Paris

Not so long ago I had the pleasure of getting to go to Paris for a second time. It was only 4 short days, (as part of a longer trip) but I soaked up everything that I could. As I have made it known I love Toronto, but if I were to live anywhere overseas it would be Paris. I can't get enough of the beauty of Paris. I have heard people speak ill of the City of Lights and I am always flabbergasted. How could you not love this?

A picture of the Eiffel Tower definitely does not do it justice. I'm going to give my favourite things to do in Paris, (in no particular order, just must do's).

1) The Musee D'Orsay is a must in my opinion it's way better than the Louvre, (get a Paris Museum Card, it'll pay for itself in no time). It houses Whistler's Mother, Renoir's Le Bal au Moulin de la Galette, countless Monet's and other wonderful paintings and sculptures.

2) L'Orangerie, it's in the Jardin des Tuileries and has the largest of Monet's Water Lilies paintings and a fair impressionists collection.

3) Pay the extra Euros and go to the very top of the Eiffel Tower, it's worth it. Don't forget to stop on levels 1 & 2 for some gifts or a coffee.

4) Shop and on the Champs-Élysées. Bring some extra money and treat yourself to something special along this famous street. Or just window shop and stop for a bite in one of the many cafes and people watch as you sip your coffee.

5) Take a cruise along the Seine at dusk and watch Paris light up. Don't take any pictures, just watch the beauty of city.

6) If it's reasonably warm outside take a picnic to Luxembourg Garden. With Luxembourg Palace as a backdrop and children playing with boats in the large fountain you'll have a fun and relaxing time. If you take a walk around you will find a replica Statue of Liberty.

7) The Eiffel Tower, Notre-Dame and the Arc De Triomphe are both a must of course. The stairs at the Arc and the Notre-Dame are definitely a good workout but the view of the city is definitely worth it from all of these points.

8) Walk, walk, walk. There is no better way to discover Paris then by foot. We took the Metro (another must) to the furthest point we had to go and then wandered throughout the city and discovered great little restaurants and shops and the neighbourhoods are just mesmerizing.

I'm sure there are many out there with different ideas about their favourites, but these are definitely mine for the time being. I'm sure that the next time I go they will all change. I am already planning on going for a longer period. I'm counting down the days.

I hate to say hate, so I'll say dislike immensely.

There is this one girl that I work with that is just one of those people that gets under my skin. At work I try my best to get along with people, just because it just makes life there that much easier. Ever since she started I've had this aversion to her, but even with that first impression I tried to like her but it is utterly impossible. You know those people that are so fake you just want to shake them? She's one of those but with a lot of narcissism and hypocritical attitude thrown in for good measure. She is constantly saying that none of us should talk about people behind their backs, which everyone does (I'll say it to your face too in the nicest possible way), but yet every time I bring up this girl who we used to work with us, she always has a catty comment ready. I swear that she rehearses them in the mirror for days on end just waiting for me to say her name. I mean if you don't like someone fine, but to have such emotion each time their name is mentioned is odd to me. It just seems like a waste of time and energy to express such things about a person you hate, (her word not mine). I don't know why anyone would even want to expend that amount of time on a person that doesn't "seem" to matter to them. I do know I could never be friends with this girl outside of work. I think that I would constantly worry what was being said about me when my back was turned, and who needs friends like that?